Heard over breakfast

I was getting my customary bagel and juice this morning when I noticed a conversation going on between a guy I assume was a pastor and someone looking to join his church. It was…interesting. I happened to be :  with the husband at the time, and, well, you can read the conversation between that ensued between us below.

You can also read it on a more reader-friendly interface on  Storify – I would have embedded it here, but unfortunately WordPress.com doesn’t allow javascript embedding.

Me: some very evangelical looking white dude is reading [a Bible] to a skeptical looking guy about lust being adultery in the heart
Mr. G: ………..huh?
Me: In dunkins
Me: Apparently they have questions about this guy joining the church because they’re not convinced he really believes their statement of faith
Mr. G: Troll them
TROLL THEM [eta: I feel the need to add the disclaimer for people who might not see the levity here that there’s no way I would have actually intruded on their conversation just to troll :p]
Me: How?
Me: Lol! Not that clever. I want to talk to the other guy after the pastor or whoever he is leaves
Mr. G:  I think the spirit just gave you a word for them
Mr. G: you had a really strong impression when you woke up this morning that you had to give someone a message [see above disclaimer]
Me: This guy is actually doing a pretty epic job of trolling the pastor himself
Mr. G: Oh good
Me: Pastor dude is such an SGM style douche
[a few minutes later] THIS GUY WON’T LEAVE
Mr. G: How is the guy trolling him?
Me: Well right now he’s accusing the pastor of infantilizing church members and women
before he was asking if cannibalism is always wrong
Me: and before that insisting that something done accidentally or without intent can’t be a sin. And arguing with the dude about what certain texts mean
Me: he might be a little weird, actually
now he’s talking about the boys and girls club being a government conspiracy and that he went down there to talk to them
Me: and then the pastor got all freaked out and asked if he [the other guy] said he was representing the church [to the boys and girls club]
this is fucking hilarious
Me: Pastor left. I’m not talking to other guy.
Me: Oh god now he’s running after the pastor. I feel a little sorry for him.
Mr. G:  For which one? <.<
Me: The pastor LOL
Mr. G: …………why? <.<
Me: He so obviously was out of his depth
Mr. G: *tiny violin*
Mr. G: Well I mean, if you set yourself up as the voice of God and are screening how other people live their lives and all, it should take a lot more than that guy to get you “out of your depth” :-P
Me:  No disagreement there. Still a tiny bit sorry for him
Mr. G:  It’s cool; the spirit was just using that guy to confront him about his pride.
Me: XD
Mr. G: The spirit could have used an assist from someone else, too, but they were not receptive to His voice. I hope you feel adequately guilty.
Me: Uh huh.
It was a real life example of how these churches are set up to exclude anyone who doesn’t fit into a narrow definition of normal
I’m so posting this on the blog :-P
Mr. G: I will be famous!
Me: You are ridiculous
Mr. G: ridiculously famous


13 Comments on “Heard over breakfast”

  1. Since moving to the east coast, I’ve observed some really odd, surreal behavior in Dunks. I’m wondering if it isn’t a lack of caffeine/low blood sugar that moves people to do odd things in them. (Or the lighting.)

  2. Kate says:

    1) I Obviously need to go out to breakfast more. How am I missing this golden opportunity?
    2) A Dunkin Doughnuts around here was recently busted for selling drugs with the doughnuts…that could explain it.
    3) Your husband is funny. :)

  3. Mark says:

    Four words, a sentence: you two are awesome!

  4. jasdye says:


    Seriously, the Spirit was moving through you. Although I think you should have referred to The Spirit as a She…

  5. Atimetorend says:

    Funny stuff, three cheers for being able to make fun of a conversation like that. And for the now famous mr. G. :^)

  6. W. Lotus says:

    Mr. G will be pleased to know I got a hearty laugh from his obviously correct reading of the Spirit. LOL!!!!!

  7. Vol-E says:

    Thanks for the Storify link – it helped greatly in clarifying what was going on.

    That was hilarious! Only thing that would have made it better is if the pastor’s hairpiece had come off while he was running from the strange dude!

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