Gender, race, and the cult of true womanhood, cont.

Part 1

Growing up, I had to make sense of two divergent messages I heard about female sexuality. On the one hand, there was the constant refrain about “Women” as a monolithic, universal category, utterly separate and distinct from “Men.” This idea was pounded into our heads through every possible means: in sermons and books, at conferences and bible studies, in magazines and constant exhortations to the “ladies” about the importance of modesty and to “the men” about fighting lust.

And of course it pervaded church culture and family life in less official but also powerful ways: the joking-but-not-really comments from boys and men about whom they would “allow” to court their female relatives, and the dire consequences awaiting any man who dared to touch their sister or daughters without prior approval. The warnings to girls and women that we must withhold sex from men in order to lure them into marriage. The pervasive refusal to even consider the possibility that women might want to have sex – even, horrors, outside of marriage – and the complementary assumption that men were always and only really interested in straight sex.

The message was pretty clear: the bedroom for men, the altar for women. End of story.

Except the story wasn’t so simple for me. At the same time that I was being taught to equate “true” femininity with chastity and sexual reticence, I was also learning that many people I went to church with saw black women as having a habitually unchaste and voracious sexuality. A similar disconnect existed between the notion that “women” are nurturing, warm, oriented towards family and the home, and on the other hand, pernicious stereotypes of black mothers as neglectful, irresponsible, unfit parents who either lacked or rejected “normal” maternal sentiment and behavior.

Offhand comments from pastors and church members alike, snide asides, jokes in which black female sexuality was a frequent punchline, and widespread willingness to pontificate about the moral and cultural failings of black communities made it unmistakably clear that the prevailing assumptions about black women stood in sharp contrast to everything I was told came naturally to “Women.”

These are some of the messages I heard about black female sexuality (hopefully unnecessary disclaimer: this is a description, not a statement of agreement on my part with any of the moral judgments that follow!):

– Black girls and women are sexually active early, often, and with multiple partners.
– Corollary: black girls and women can usually be assumed to be sexually active, or soon to become sexually active, with no information or evidence for this apart from their blackness.
– Black girls and women are unrestrained and irresponsible with both sexuality and reproduction, e.g.: black women become parents at a very young age, are usually single or unmarried parents, have large numbers of children, fathered by different men who are seldom involved in parenting their kids.
– Corollary: black girls and women in public with children can be assumed to be single parents of those children, with no information or evidence for this apart from their blackness.
– Black mothers do not adequately provide for their children, are often unemployed by choice and on public assistance.
– Corollary: older black girls or women with children in public can be assumed to be unwed parents of those children supported by the hard-earned money that the government steals from hardworking, white, married people pay in taxes. In other words, black women suspected of being unwed parents are also lazy mooches (never mind that the majority of people on welfare are white Americans, never mind that being on welfare is hardly the primrose path conservatives seem to imagine).
– Black mothers are neglectful, lazy, and abusive in their parenting.

In short, I was left to reconcile the following contradictory messages:
woman” = “natural” and “God-given” sexual reticence, “natural” desire for marriage and “the home” as boundaries that contain sexuality and reproduction, and “natural” desire to submit to male “leadership.”
black woman” = hypersexuality, reproductive excess, parental neglect, and the absence of husband/father figures (in other words, the absence of patriarchal covering and authority).

On top of all that, these negative stereotypes were so strongly associated with blackness as to make them seem almost like an innate racial trait. People widely assumed that these behaviors could be taken for granted as characterizing random black women they saw in public, or on TV. Unsurprisingly, these assumptions also affected how black girls and women who weren’t strangers, but part of the church community, were perceived and treated by the white majority of the congregation and even by other black members. These stereotypes so strongly shaped how the church viewed black women inside and outside the community that they rose to the level of “just how black people are.”

As I’ll discuss in the next post, these stereotypes were not isolated to my church or my denomination (or to Christians in general, to be fair); rather, they were representative of beliefs about black people and especially black women that are still quite common among white religious conservatives.


9 Comments on “Gender, race, and the cult of true womanhood, cont.”

  1. prosey says:

    *nodding* I grew up with those same teachings that were, when all’s said and done, invented by sanctimonious White folk – and the hypersexual stereotype is not limited to Black women, but to most women of color – the assumption was extremely prevalent about Hispanic girls/women, too, where I grew up. The shocker to me back then was that the vast majority of promiscuous girls I knew were White (and if I’m going to be completely forthright, I was not the picture of demure White girl m’self lol)…and most of the Black & Hispanic girls I knew may have enjoyed dirty jokes and whathaveyou, but they were not promiscuous (and in many cases, not sexually active at ALL). These stereotypes are a throwback to a much earlier era when White “settlers” had to “tame the savages” of their ungodly ways – “saving” them – while raping their women, of course. *wincing*

    • Grace says:

      Definitely true that these stereotypes are directed at most women of color, though I think the stereotypes about Asian women are somewhat different from those about black and Latina women. And yea…the actual numbers when it comes to teen sexual activity are not that different between racial/ethnic groups. Like you said, these are all stereotypes with long histories, invented in the context of open white racism.

      • prosey says:

        I hesitated on mentioning the stereotypes about Asian women because -while still women of color- Asian women are often viewed (by White men) as ‘White light’ – and unfortunately, I have actually read that term used in MRA message boards (UGH). There is a “little girl” notion attached to them by our White male society, and I won’t even go into the disgusting victimization of Asian women in several different countries by our military. Different brand of stereotype, just as vile, but to my mind, oblique to this particular discussion. The subjects intersect each other, but shades of *brown* are hit more harshly by our western stereotyping for a variety of different reasons…and most of them *are* unfortunately connected with religion and colonization – both of which are replete with white racism.

  2. Jenny says:

    Ah, I’ve had to deal with all of these. My mother too, being mistaken for a welfare mom whenever she was doing the typical housewife shopping with us kids. And I even believe that people who constantly praised me for being such a good girl, deep down inside, thought that I naturally had more trouble keeping pure than the next girl. I also agree with “prosey” above in that white girls can often get away with being more promiscuous, or at least flirtatious, because for them it’s “innocent until proven guilty.” Whereas, for black girls, just dressing femininely, wearing makeup, and being a little encouraging to guys results in damaged reputations.

    • Grace says:

      Jenny – I was the same way, always the good girl, and I had the same feeling that you did that many people still thought I was more susceptible to not staying pure. And definitely, as a black girl you had to watch your behavior so much more because people were so ready to believe you were going to “stray”…like that was the default.

  3. Thank you for your continued eloquence and thoughtfulness on these issues. I always feel like I am learning so much from your blog. I grew up in a very white community in Washington State, and there were only a few black kids at my school. Strangely, (maybe because of that, and maybe because I didn’t watch a lot of TV as a kid), I don’t feel like I was exposed to these kinds of stereotypes all that much. It’s only in the past few years that I am really beginning to understand how deeply ingrained these ideas are in some communities.

  4. prairienymph says:

    Molly, I too grew up in an isolated community. There were a few black (interracial) families but they had a reputation for being hard-working, upright citizens. The very few families from India and China were also known as responsible business people who valued family.
    Our First Nations people, however, were not so well treated. In my town the ‘sluts’ (terrible term since it wasn’t used with respect) were all white. The First Nations were ‘druggies’, even though I doubt they used any more than the ‘popular’ kids.

    At first I thought the damaging stereotypes of people of colour were in the past or something only Americans or oil workers believed. I am sorry to learn that I was wrong.

    What is that quote, “All of the women are white and all of the Blacks are men, but some of us are very brave”?

    Obviously this prejudice that non-white women were promiscuous would hurt your self-worth. Did it make you feel less marriageable than the white girls and therefore a failure as a woman? You don’t have to answer. I’m just imagining since I also had it drilled in my head that any lapse of “virtue” would make a girl damaged goods.

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